You may have people around you encouraging you to “be positive,” or you may believe you have to squelch any negative emotions you may feel in order to put on a brave face.

In Chapter 4 of my book, When Cancer Hits, I tell you why “being positive” by itself could actually harm you on your way to recovery, and give you some real, practical tools you can use to deal with all the emotions cancer and cancer treatment may create.

Guilt Has No Room in Your Survival Plan

Did you find yourself feeling guilty after your diagnosis? Did you think that maybe if you had only eaten a healthier diet, or exercised more often, or reduced more stress, you wouldn’t have ended up with the disease? I help you face the guilt monster, stare it down, and cast it aside.

Faking Your Emotions Never Works

Do you find yourself trying to smile when you least feel like it? Do you feel pressured by family and friends to “be brave,” and “stay positive?” I felt some of these emotions when I went through Hodgkin’s disease at 16 years old, and I can tell you—squashing your emotions is bad for you. Not only do those emotions stay with you, they can actually reduce your body’s ability to fight off the cancer. (Studies have shown that repressing emotions makes you feel more physical pain and can affect your immune system.) I show you how to approach negative emotions in a healthy way, so you can more easily return to real positive emotions.

Tools to Help Accentuate the Positive

Have you ever made plans to make yourself feel good? If you haven’t, now is the time to start. Making plans to spend time with friends, enjoy a funny movie, get a nice massage, listen to your favorite music, and more are all extremely necessary while you’re going through cancer. You’ll be so busy with doctor appointments and medical records and insurance paperwork and the like that you’ll find things like just enjoying yourself can quickly slip out the window—yet they’re so necessary to your healing process! In Chapter 4, I give you all kinds of ideas for activities that help you process difficult emotions and find your way to feeling even just a little bit better.

Don’t be Afraid to Seek Help

Often we feel we have to be the brave soldiers and go through cancer alone. This decision is bad for your health, however, and dangerous to your recovery. You need support, and not just someone to help clean the house and make the meals. You need someone to talk to, someone who understands, and you need activities that really go to the core of what you’re experiencing. I show you how support groups can actually speed your healing; how music, art, and pet therapy can all be valuable tools in your recovery; and how counseling can be a lifesaver.

Learning the tools and skills you need to process and manage difficult emotions will not only help you navigate your cancer experience, but could be useful to you long after the cancer is in remission. I share with you some quotes from other survivors who learned a lot, emotionally, from their experiences, and help encourage you that with patience, you can get through whatever it is with courage and grace.

(When Cancer Hits is available now—click here.)

Have you experienced difficult emotions because of cancer or cancer treatments? Have you tried some of the tips in my book? Let me know what you think!

As many of you in the cancer community know, Steve fought pancreatic cancer for eight years. The Jobs’ family hasn’t revealed whether or not it was the cancer that caused his death. Still, his eight-year battle is an inspiration itself, especially with pancreatic cancer, which is considered one of the most aggressive types.

Steve was famously tight-lipped about his cancer, but we do know that shortly after being diagnosed, he went through surgery to remove what doctors called a “neuroendocrine pancreatic tumor.” A pancreatic cancer expert at Mayo Clinic (Michaela Banck) says this type of cancer can affect levels of insulin and other hormones produced by the pancreas, but that much more research is needed to understand how it’s impact on hormones affects prognosis.

The more common form of pancreatic cancer, which affects 95 percent of cases, is fast-moving and lethal, but neuroendocrine tumors are slow-growing and can be effectively treated with surgery. Two drugs were also approved for these types of tumors earlier this year. We don’t know if Steve was taking any medications, but his eight-year survival stands as progress in the world of pancreatic cancer.

Lessons in Life

Despite all his accomplishments as head of Apple and his status as cancer survivor, what Steve Jobs may be most remembered for is a commencement address he gave on June 25, 2005 at Standford University. I’ve provided the link here for anyone who would like to read it in its entirety (or watch the video), but I wanted to share the parts that impacted me.

As most Cinco Vidas readers know, I’m a cancer survivor myself, and my father fought an 8-year battle as well. Going through an experience like that forces you to slow down and try to figure out what your life is really about. For me, that meant discovering my purpose, which turned out to be starting this organization, writing my book, and finding many other ways to give back to the cancer community.

Steve talks about this in his address—how facing the possibility of death forces us to clarify our lives:

No one wants to die….And yet death is the destination we all share….And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

I join millions of people around the world in saluting this great visionary, and hope his words give you a little encouragement in your own life today.

We don’t have endless time. Be what you want to be!

Photo courtesy macevangelist via Flickr.com.

Now the old me would have raged—either silently or out loud—about this person’s rude behavior. My energy would have spiraled from joy and peace to anger, frustration, irritation, and indignation. I may have engaged the woman in an argument, asking her why she behaved so rudely toward me. And who knows where that would have led—probably to more angst and anger and heated discussion.

Instead, right then and there, something in my mind said, “Don’t bite the hook, Britta.” So I didn’t. I told myself that this person’s actions had nothing to do with me, which I’m sure they didn’t. All I said is, “You could be a little nicer, you know?” She gave me the worst look and said, “All you passengers are the same,” and pushed my bag again. A few moments later, she walked away and the gentleman behind me commented on how well I handled the situation. He said he would’ve lost it. I shared with him that I no longer want to be pulled into the worlds of others when they dump their bad energy around. Moments later, I had forgotten all about it, and I felt just as serene as I had before she came barreling by. What a victory for me!

This phrase and idea came from the audiobook entitled Don’t Bite the Hook: Finding Freedom from Anger, Resentment, and Other Destructive Emotions, written by Pema Chodron, an American Buddhist nun. What I’ve learned from Ms. Chodron is that every time someone intrudes on my sense of serenity—whether intentional or not—I have a choice in how I react. Most of us don’t think this is true. If someone is rude to us, we naturally react with anger, right? But Chodron teaches us that this is much like chewing our nails—a bad habit that we can get rid of. The source of the whole reaction is our sense of self-importance: How dare she do that to me? I’m an important person. She has no right to treat me that way.

When we look at it this way, it seems very logical that we would react with anger. But we can look at the situation from a different angle. I have come to believe that the person’s action has nothing to do with me. We are living in a very self-centered world right now, and most of us just assume—if she pushed past me, it’s about me! But what if she had a really bad day? What if she had to take care of a sick child that morning and now she is late for her flight? What if she’s getting a divorce, or just lost a parent?

Truth is, we have no idea what’s going on in the worlds of those around us, and what may be propelling them to act as they do. If we consider the possibilities, it’s often easier for us to act from a source of compassion, rather than from anger and indignation. Wouldn’t we want the same consideration if we were the ones acting rudely? And the wonderful thing about it is, when we act from compassion, we not only touch the other person with kindness, but that feeling radiates within us, helping us maintain our own sense of serenity. Magic!

Of course, this doesn’t mean we should allow people to walk all over us and treat us badly. The point is we have a choice: Is this event important enough to argue about? Is this something I really need to be assertive about? Do I need to stand up for myself, or would I have a better day if I just let it go? Would I feel better if I acted from compassion? These are choices we can make for the good of our inner sense of peace—and our good health. After all, the less stress and anger we feel, the healthier we feel.

I invite you to give it a try. Next time someone gives you the opportunity to react in anger, frustration, or indignation, see if you can change that habit and respond with compassion. I’d love to hear about your experiences!

We can change how we react to others. Have you tried it? Please let us know the results.

Photo courtesy the Momma2Molly via Flickr.com.

I received a firestorm of comments in response to what is actually one of the older posts on the blog entitled, “Could Resentment be a Risk Factor for Cancer?” You can read the post and the comments, and the conversation didn’t stop there—it continued on our Facebook page as well. Some people were in agreement that repressed emotions can negatively affect our health, but others were incensed that I would even suggest this to be a possibility, especially where cancer is concerned.

Here’s what was interesting to me—in reaction to this one post, I was told I was “doing a disservice to the men and women affected by cancer” with the headline and general message, and told it “wasn’t fair” to say that stress and emotional problems are the “only thing” that causes cancer and other illnesses. Other responders jumped on the “positive thinking” idea, commenting on how expecting cancer patients to be upbeat all the time does more harm than good, and that the pressure many cancer patients feel to “be positive” is very damaging.

Here’s the thing—I don’t mention “thinking positive” once in the post. Not once. Nor did I say that emotional problems are the only thing that causes cancer. Far from it. We all know that any disease is the result of a myriad of factors, from diet to activity level to genetics to environment to viruses to chemical exposure to you name it. I have posted about all of these factors on this blog, with the number of posts about emotional factors making up only a small minority of the total.

I was told I was silly for suggesting that fixing bad moods would keep you cancer free. Never did I mention “moods,” or any fleeting emotions. Never did I say that fixing your emotions would keep you cancer free. I spoke solely about one lasting, particularly difficult emotion—resentment—and what science is saying about its potential link to cancer.

Some comments suggested that looking into the possibility that resentment could have an effect on health—and potentially on cancer—is just another way to “blame the patient.” But I don’t understand why, when talking about emotions, we jump to the conclusion we’re blaming, yet we can talk about diet and activity and everyone accepts it as perfectly fine? Don’t we have equal control over what we eat or how much we move as we do over how we handle emotions? We may not be able to control how we feel, but we do have control over what we do about it—and science is showing that learning how to deal with negative emotions could be just as important as learning to eat less sugar! Think of it this way: We may not be able to control our sugar cravings, but we can and do control whether or not we eat that chocolate cake. Why can’t it be the same when we’re dealing with emotions?

Some people commented that Louise Hay—whom I mention in the post—is “irresponsible” for promoting emotional therapy as a cure for cancer. I happen to admire Ms. Hay because her books have helped me, personally. Of course I wasn’t there during her cancer. Her story is her story, and it’s a very individual one, as all our stories are. Whether you believe she cured her cancer or not really doesn’t matter. The point is that she is a prominent figure who has helped a lot of people with her theories, one of which is that resentment can be damaging to your health. She says it was to hers. And she’s still here, and cancer free.

The bottom line is that this post has nothing to do with positive thinking or bad moods or fleeting emotions causing cancer, or about blaming the patient. It’s all about how resentment—that negative emotion you hold inside you for long periods of time—has been shown in scientific studies to be damaging to your health, particularly to the immune system, in ways that have been linked to cancer. My purpose in publishing it was to help make people aware of this connection. I have done the same with a myriad of other risk factors, including an unhealthy diet, inactivity, exposure to chemicals, and more, and I’m going to continue writing about risk factors, whatever they are.

Just to be clear: could resentment be a risk factor for cancer? Science says it could. Will getting rid of resentment cure cancer? Doubtful. No one thing is a magic bullet. Could getting rid of resentment help you avoid cancer? Who knows? But if it is a potential risk factor, why not do all we can to decrease that risk? Why not, while we’re eating more fruits and vegetables and exercising at least 30 minutes a day, learn how to let go of such a toxic emotion? We’d all do better, feel healthier, and “perhaps” live longer if we forgive more often, and unburden ourselves.

Now, as to the whole “positive thinking” thing, since that’s what so many people commented about. This is a totally different animal, and it’s obviously a hot topic—one that’s on a lot of people’s minds. In the cancer community, “positive thinking” has come to mean “thou shalt think and say only positive things no matter how awful thou feels.” Has there been too much of this mantra in the cancer community? Obviously, yes!

What started out as something that was supposed to help people stay strong and fight the disease has turned into a “demand” that many people just can’t live up to. To tell a dear friend to “think positive” when she has just been diagnosed is absolutely ridiculous, but our current cancer culture has created a “groupthink” that makes people do just that.

My stance on all this positivity? I believe in being positive in my life. I like looking on the bright side of things whenever I can. I think it makes life easier to live. Never would I tell someone who’s emotionally down, however, to “buck up and be positive.” That would only serve to make them feel worse. What I would encourage—and what I think is of utmost importance to our health—is to process those negative emotions. Talk to a friend, journal, listen to music, paint, exercise, talk to a therapist, scream, cry, punch a pillow, or curl up in a ball if that’s what it takes. Make an appointment with yourself if you have to! Feel that pain or that sadness or that despair or whatever it is and take the time to feel it fully. Then, and only then, let it go and move on.

An example: Researchers found that breast cancer patients who coped by expressing their emotions surrounding the cancer had fewer medical appointments, enhanced physical health and vigor, and decreased distress.¹ In a study on women with breast cancer who used online support groups, those who expressed both positive and negative emotions experienced psychological benefits.²

The key thing here is express the emotion in a healthy way (don’t kill the dog, in other words), then let go. Do what it takes to get the emotion “through” you. It’s when we don’t take the time to feel things—when we stuff them down to deal with “later” (as in resentment)—that we can encourage health problems. If nothing else, it encourages stress—and haven’t we all agreed that stress can influence our health?

Where does the “think positive” come in? Once we process our emotions—take the time to feel them and pay attention to them—this frees us up to then summon our positive energy again. We can go out with friends, do something that makes us feel good, and work on generating good feelings. That’s the only kind of “positive thinking” I can endorse. Unfortunately, it’s not the kind we hear about most of the time surrounding cancer.

We are emotional creatures. That’s one of the beautiful things about human beings. We are meant to feel. To tell anyone—especially those experiencing all the traumas of disease—to just ignore all the negative feelings and focus only on the positive, will only make everything worse. What we can do is encourage ourselves and others to pay attention to those feelings, address them, do something about them, and then let them go.

In summary: Science says that there may be a link between resentment and cancer—good to know. I believe we can feel healthier when we learn how to fully feel and process—rather than stuff down—our emotions, whatever they may be. But this is totally different from the “think positive” idea as it relates to the cancer community, and when it comes to that, I agree with most of you—it’s time to accept our feelings, wholeheartedly…and then learn how to better deal with them in ways that benefit our health.

I’m looking forward to blogging more about this issue in the future! In the meantime, please, write in, whatever your thoughts. I don’t care if you agree or don’t. The more we discuss these things, the better chance we all have of not only living healthier lives, but understanding more fully the complex, beautiful creatures we are.

Thanks again for all the input. Light and love to you all!

Britta

Do you have thoughts on how emotions may affect our health? Or on the whole “positive thinking” culture surrounding cancer? Please share!

References

1. Stanton A.L., Danoff-Burg S., Cameron C.L., Bishop M., Collins C.A., Kirk S.B, Sworowski L.A., Twillman R. Emotionally expressive coping predicts psychological and physical adjustment to breast cancer. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology 2000 Oct;68(5):875-82. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11068973?dopt=Abstract.
2. Jeong Yeob Han. Expressing Positive Emotions within Online Support Groups by Women with Breast Cancer. Journal of Health Psychology Vol. 13, No. 8, 1002-1007 (2008) DOI: 10.1177/1359105308097963.

Photo courtesy Shutterstock.

To help you handle any anxiety you may be facing, I’ve gathered several tips below. The one thing you don’t want to do is just ignore it and hope it will go away. It won’t. Taking action to process your feelings can go a long way toward easing your stress and helping your body to remain strong.

1. Write about it. Write down everything that’s bothering you, from the huge (I’ve got cancer!) to the miniscule (I don’t like my new couch). Somehow the process of getting it down on paper makes it more manageable. Once you have everything on paper, make yourself two lists. Title one “things I can change” and the other “things I can’t control.” Divide your list of concerns accordingly. For those things you can change, sketch out a quick plan to do so, and commit to doing something toward those goals every day until they’re accomplished. For those things you can’t control (like “I have cancer” and many other things), get support. Join a support group, talk to a friend, go to a counselor, talk to your pastor—whatever will help you feel better.

2. Do something you enjoy! When we’re anxious, we have a tendency to wallow in those anxious thoughts. The last thing we think about is doing something fun, so do just that—ask yourself what sorts of activities you enjoy, then do one of those activities. Go out with friends, play a round of golf, take a drive, spend a weekend away, whatever will stoke your “feel good” fires. Once you have a few more positive emotions pulsing through you, you’ll feel more capable of handling your anxieties.

3. Exercise. Even if you’re exhausted and wrung out from chemo, doing something rather than lying on the couch stewing in worry soup is bound to help. Go for a short walk in a pretty location. Watch a favorite movie while walking on the treadmill—even if it’s only for 10 minutes. If you just can’t pull yourself out of bed, sit up and stretch your hands, your arms, and your neck. Getting your circulation moving will spawn other changes in your body that will help you feel better.

4. Get answers. Most of the time we are anxious about the unknown. This is particularly the case with cancer and cancer treatments. We don’t know how these things are going to affect us, or what to expect, so do your research. Make a list of questions to ask your doctor or oncology nurse. Research on the Internet. Talk to people who have experienced the type of cancer you have. (Imerman’s Angels can hook you up with someone for free.) The more knowledge you have, the more you can come up with ways to deal with your situation, which will help ease anxiety.

5. Ask for help. This is a hard one for many people. Most of us like to be independent and believe we can take care of ourselves, but cancer isn’t something to be faced alone. Ask for help. If you have people offering to do things for you, accept. Remember that helping you will benefit them as well—it’s healthy to give to others. And if you’re getting help with meals, pet care, or transportation, that’s less that you have to worry about.

6. Believe in a power greater than yourself. The amount of anxiety I experience is directly related to the distance between myself and God. Turn over all your fears, worries and anxieties to whatever higher power you believe in so you can let go of worry and trust that everything will be as it should be.

How do you deal with anxiety? Please let us know.

Photo courtesy clarita via morguefile.com.

You’ve probably had the same thing happen. You spread yourself too thin, and then you wear yourself out. You try to do better the next time around, but then your friend asks you to babysit after a long day at work, or your sister ropes you into organizing a big birthday party for your nephew. You know it’s too much, but you don’t want to disappoint anyone. Besides, saying “no” is so difficult, right? You choose to shortchange yourself instead. Unfortunately, that can lead to anger and resentment, which will eventually take a toll on your health if you don’t deal with it.

When you’re fighting cancer, it’s even more important to make adequate time for yourself to rest, meditate, get a massage, and just concentrate on healing. This is self-care! More than any other time, this is when you need to get really good at saying “no.” I realize that it’s not easy, so here are a few tips to help. Start practicing today!

Don’t expect to be perfect. If you’re used to agreeing to any and all demands placed on you, don’t expect to navigate the “no” waters smoothly and easily the first few times. Allow yourself to stumble, but stick with it. You’ll get better with practice.

Prepare what you’re going to say. To raise your odds of carrying it off successfully, write or type what you’re going to say. Give yourself several options like, “I’m flattered you asked, but I have another conflict at that time.” Or, “Typically I enjoy helping, but I’m not going to be available for a few months.” Or a favorite for when you’re feeling panicked, “Let me think about it and get back to you.” This will give you time to get clear on what you want to say. Ask the person when he/she needs your answer and wait until that deadline. Don’t rush yourself to make a decision.

Be firm. You may find your tone of voice over-apologetic at first. This gives the other person the wrong impression—like maybe she can change your mind with a little pressure. Practice saying, “I’m sorry, that’s not going to work for me” in a firm, decisive tone of voice. If you’re dealing with a particularly pushy person, don’t be afraid to just smile and repeat the statement. “I’m sorry, that’s not going to work for me.” They’ll get the idea. If you feel some guilt, remember that you spoke your truth, and you didn’t really “hurt” anyone. What others think of you after you graciously declined is none of your business.  You are learning to set boundaries.

Don’t feel you have to explain. Keep it simple. You have no obligation to explain your reasons for saying no, unless you want to. A simple statement is all you need. You also don’t need to feel like you have to make up a reason, or fabricate a story. Respect yourself and allow others to respect you by making your decision and letting that be enough.

Write down your priorities. What is most important to you right now? Is it to take an extra shift at work? Or to get the rest you need? Write down your top 5-10 priorities and keep these in front of you on a daily basis to help you stick to your resolve. Remember that when you say “yes” to something, you’re saying “no” to something else you could do with that block of time. Be absolutely sure about any commitment you make.

Tune into your body. When someone makes a request, how does it make you feel? Tune into your stomach. Does it feel tight and tense? Do you have a sense of foreboding? If so, make no mistake—your answer needs to be “no.” If the request makes you feel excited and energetic, consider saying yes. Just make sure the task will benefit you, not take away from your ability to heal. Saying “no” is well worth the temporary discomfort you may feel in disappointing someone.

Remember: You’re not being selfish. If you find yourself feeling guilty about saying no, stop! You have every right to make decisions that are best for your health and happiness. You wouldn’t expect anyone else to sacrifice themselves for you—don’t expect it of yourself. Besides, saying “no” means you’ll have the energy and vitality to meet the commitments that are important to you.

Do you have other tips for learning how to say “no?” Please share them with us.

Photo courtesy viaduckvideo via Flickr.com.

Researchers from Tel Aviv University’s Department of Psychology think so. Their recent study showed that psychological stress prior to, during, and after surgery can impair the immune system, raising odds of cancer recurrence.

“The psychological stressors of surgery deal a blow to the immune system,” said lead researcher Professor Shamgar Ben-Eliyahu, “but this is hardly discussed in the medical community. Ours is among the first studies to show that psychological fear may be no less important than real physiological tissue damage in suppressing immune competence.”

Ben-Eliyahu adds that timing is everything after cancer surgery, and that the immune system needs to be functioning at high levels to kill the remaining bits of tumor tissue that are scattered around the body. Stress hormones can get in the way. An earlier study found that by blocking these stress hormones, cancer cells could be reduced and survival rates increased.

This isn’t the only study pointing to this connection. Researchers at London’s ICRF Clinical Oncology Unit and Department of Psychiatry at Guy’s Hospital found that breast cancer was more likely to recur in women who had experienced severe life stresses. A life event was considered severe if it had threatening implications in the long term—like the death of a husband or child, or a divorce. Those women who had experienced such stresses were nine times more likely to have a relapse of the breast cancer. They added that coping behavior and social support could modify the impact of these life stressors, to reduce risk.

A later study in London, however, was unable to repeat these results, and did not show the same connection between stress and recurrence. On the other hand, a more recent study by scientists at Ohio State University showed that breast cancer patients who had gone through psychological intervention had a lower risk of cancer recurrence. The study followed over 200 women for 11 years, and found those who were taught relaxation methods (such as muscular relaxation) had a much lower chance of the cancer coming back than did women who had only psychological assessments.

If you survive cancer, then experience a stressful event in your life, the last thing you want to do is fear a recurrence. Some studies show a connection, but others don’t. So far, we don’t really know how much impact stress can have on the return of cancer cells—so please, don’t add to your stress by stressing about your stress! We do know, however, that emotions like anxiety, anger, and isolation—especially if repressed—can impair the immune system. According to Chinese author Jia Kun, in his book, Prevention and Treatment of Carcinoma in Traditional Chinese Medicine, “Emotional changes such as worry, fear, hesitation, anger, irritation, and nervousness should be prevented. Mental exhaustion is harmful and life should be enriched with entertainment.”

The answer is not to worry if you feel stressed—just encourage relaxation as much as possible. Practicing regular calming techniques can help you cope with the stresses life inevitably throws at you, and keep your cells healthy and cancer free. Join a support group, and try the progressive muscle relaxation therapy used in the aforementioned Ohio Study.

Have you adapted new stress-relieving techniques after surviving cancer? Please share any tips you may have.

Photo courtesy siggito via Flickr.com.

“I really should do the laundry today,” I hear myself say when what I really want to do is take a nap. “I should go to Susie’s party because she asked me to, even though I’d rather go shopping. I should take Dan’s shift this weekend even though I was planning to go camping. I should let Jan borrow my car even though I know she’s a reckless driver.”

Whenever we say the word “should,” we are giving up our power of choice, which means we’re giving up our freedom—and giving up the energy we have inside us that could be helping us to heal. We’re basically saying, “Okay, I’m going to live by other people’s rules, and ignore what my heart wants. I’m going to do what others think I should do, putting my own desires last.”

You know how you feel inside when “should” comes out of your mouth, right? It’s like a collar comes down around your neck attached to a leash, and the other end is held by whomever is glaring at you in your mind and telling you what you “should” be doing. That other person is most certainly not you.

That “should” word comes from when we were kids—you “shouldn’t” do that; you “should” do this, etc. It’s so limiting. We take that echo with us into adulthood, and we keep listening to it long after we’re old enough to make our own choices, depriving ourselves of the freedom of steering our own ship. Worse, when we’re fighting an illness like cancer, filling our heads with “shoulds” leaves our bodies depleted of healing energy.

How much better it feels when we say, “I choose to do the laundry today because I want to have clean clothes tomorrow.” Same decision, but made with so much more power! “I choose to go to Susie’s party because I said I would, but next time I will be more conscious about my commitments.”

Cancer puts us into a whole new world of “shoulds.” Here are just some of the things we tell ourselves:

• I should be feeling better. It’s my fifth day after chemo.
• I should be stronger than I am. People are going to think I’m a baby.
• I shouldn’t be letting this bother me so much. I mean, lots of people have cancer.
• I should get up today and get the house cleaned. What will my family think?
• I should be healthier than this. How could this happen?

And on and on. All these “shoulds” are poisonous to our hearts. One, they make us feel chained to some action we’d rather not take, sapping our energy. Two, they make us betray ourselves, by making us deaf to our true desires and feelings.

If you’re trapped in a world of shoulds—or even the next time you hear yourself using the word—consider replacing it with “choose” instead. Like this:

• I choose to feel how I feel, and listen to my body.
• I choose to respect my own needs. What others think is none of my business.
• I choose to respect my own experience, and cope with this disease the best way I can.
• I choose to clean the house today, because I think it will make me feel better.
• I choose to make healthy choices for myself from now on.

Have you tried replacing your “shoulds” with choices? Please share your thoughts.

Photo courtesy neelab via Flickr.com.

The Lee Moffitt Cancer Center says to ask yourself these questions: a) Is cancer the first thing I think about every morning and the last thing I think about at night? b) Has cancer changed my life so much that I don’t know how to manage now? c) Do I feel like no one understands what I’m going through?  If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you may be experiencing too much stress for your health. Talk to your doctor, and try some of these coping techniques.

1. Exercise. Walking is considered by some to be the perfect exercise—even better for stress relief if you can do it outside, close to nature. According to Joyce O’Shaughnessy, M.D., a medical oncologist at the University of Texas Medical School, Dallas, “Aerobic exercise, even like just walking, makes a difference during chemotherapy.” According to a 1999 study, those who walked regularly had lower stress levels than those who didn’t.

2. Meditate. Meditation helps you let go of all the worries and anxieties plaguing your mind, so you can relax in the moment. Find a quiet spot to sit comfortably, and concentrate on the in and out of your breath, letting the thoughts in your mind come and go. Most experts recommend you start with 10 minutes a day, then gradually increase to 20-30 minutes.

3. Try yoga. Yoga encourages relaxation and stress relief by combining physical poses with mental focus. It can also help gently stretch the muscles, encouraging muscular relaxation and mental peace at the same time.

4. Spend time in guided imagery. In guided imagery, you use your imagination to encourage relaxation and positive emotions. Cancer patients often imagine themselves without the cancerous cells, or feeling happy and energetic. The Guided Imagery Resource Center has tools to help you get started.

5. Get some group support. Studies have shown that support groups help cancer patients live longer. “The opportunity to share thoughts and concerns and express even the most frightening feelings,” says Dr. David Spiegel, “offers enormous comfort, allows you to realize you are reacting normally to an abnormal situation, and helps you regain your emotional balance while significantly reducing your stress.”

6. Listen to relaxing music. According to Kristina Collins, writing for thecancerblog.com, Baroque music has been found in studies to help reduce stress by increasing the alpha waves in the brain. Try composers like Handel and Bach, or choose something else you like that helps you feel calm.

7. Get a massage. Surrendering to the touch of a skilled therapist can do a lot to relax your mind and body. “Safe and caring touch provides a human connection that promotes relaxation and emotional well-being,” says the Northwestern Health Sciences University.

8. Try biofeedback. If your stress usually shows up as migraines, ulcers, chronic intestinal problems, or increased intensity of side effects, biofeedback may be the stress-relieving technique for you. It’s a technique that trains you to control certain bodily processes like heart rate, blood pressure, muscle tension, and skin temperature. With help from a biofeedback therapist, you learn to change these functions—lower your blood pressure, or your level of pain, for instance. Biofeedback has been known to reduce stress, pain, and muscle tension, and to help improve sleep.

9. Use herbal remedies. Spearmint and chamomile teas are both mildly relaxing. Passionflower is a little stronger, and can work almost like a sedative. St. John’s Wort can relieve depression and anxiety, while kava can help you feel more relaxed without feeling drugged. (Check with your doctor before taking any of these supplements to be sure they don’t interfere with your treatments.)

10. Be aware of your limits. There are some days when you’re just not going to be able to do everything you’d like to do. Don’t add to your stress by feeling badly about it. Learn when to say “no,” ask for help when you need it, don’t take on more than you can handle, and take time to do something you enjoy every day.

How do you lower stress during cancer? Please share your tips.

Photo courtesy avotiya via Flickr.com.

There’s no doubt we’ve heard a lot about “living in the now” lately, particularly because of the great success of spiritual leader Eckhart Tolle, author of The Power of Now.

I know in my mind that living in the present is a good thing, but sometimes it’s hard to grasp in our everyday lives. Fortunately, I had a recent experience that brought it front-and-center into my consciousness.

My husband and I took a vacation to Hawaii. I needed to rest and recharge my batteries. We visited the beautiful island of Kauai, full of so much joy in its green and lush hills, it’s waving surf and it’s cascading waterfalls. But you know what I did? Here I was, sitting on this beautiful beach, not a care in the world, enjoying my book, and my mind starts thinking about all the things I was going to have to do when I got home.

You know what it’s like. You’ve gone somewhere to “get away” from it all—and that can be anywhere, from Hawaii to your own back yard—and despite your best efforts, here comes your brain, dragging you back into the very thing you were trying to get away from!

Of course, everything changed for me in that moment. I went from being completely relaxed and listening to the waves and feeling light within myself to feeling tightness in my chest and upper back, heavy in my body, and tense in my jaw and face. The peace and serenity were gone, and I was no longer in Hawaii. I was in New York, in my office!

Eckhart Tolle teaches extensively about living in the present. When we let our minds escape the present moment, suddenly life feels like a burden, instead of the joy it’s meant to be. The next time you’re feeling stressed or undone, I urge you to ask yourself: “Where are my thoughts? Are they in the present moment, or in some other place?”

On the beach that day in Hawaii, I noticed my thoughts taking off into another time. I said to myself, “Britta, what does that have to do with right now? You can’t do anything about that. That’s in the future. Right now, you need to enjoy this moment.”

And you know what? Suddenly I could hear the waves again, feel the light breeze over my skin, and the sun warming my face. Relaxation, joy, and peace returned.

You may say that’s all well and good—easy to do when you’re in Hawaii! And you’d be right! But I’m putting this practice to work back in New York. I’m learning to say, “I love right now. I’m grateful for what I have in front of me. This is my life today, and by choosing to embrace it, I feel free and released.”

Next time cancer is getting you down, try bringing your thoughts back to the present moment. Maybe that pillow feels really soft under your head. Even if you’re in the hospital, maybe the sunshine is warm outside your window. Maybe your loved one’s hand feels good in yours. In this moment, right now, without worrying about the future, how are things?

You may find they’re not as bad as you think. In fact, you may find that in this moment, right now, everything is really pretty okay.

“When you say ‘yes’ to the ‘isness’ of life, when you accept this moment as it is, you can feel a sense of spaciousness within you that is deeply peaceful.” (Eckhart Tolle, Stillness Speaks)

Have you learned how to live in the present moment? Please share your story.

In an animal study at the University of Chicago, social isolation and stress was associated with a 3.3-fold greater chance of developing breast cancer. Rats kept alone after they had contracted the disease had a 135 percent increase in the number of tumors, and a more than 8,000 percent increase in tumor size.

Look at those numbers again. A 135 percent increase in the number of tumors! And this isn’t the first time isolation has been linked with cancer. In 1986, “Science News” reported that feeling alone—whether truly alone or even when with friends—played an important role in elevating the risk of dying from cancer among women. Researchers from Wake Forest University Baptist Medical Center found that monkeys under increased social stress, potentially caused by isolation, were at a higher risk for uterine cancer. And scientists from Japan, in animal studies, also found that isolation stress enhanced tumor growth.

“Social isolation has been shown repeatedly to prospectively predict mortality and serious morbidity both in general population samples and in individuals with established morbidity,” says James S. House, Ph.D., University of Michigan. “The magnitude of risk associated with social isolation is comparable with that of cigarette smoking and other major biomedical and psychosocial risk factors.”

Even when we know about the risks, however, it can be difficult to reduce them. According to Gregory Rodriguez, writing for the “Los Angeles Times,” loneliness is something that’s happening to more and more people everyday—say nothing of cancer patients who are often at increased risk. “In 1985,” he writes, “when researchers asked a cross-section of Americans how many confidants they had, the most common response was three. When they asked again in 2004, the most common answer…was zero, nil, nada.”

Rodriguez says the pain of loneliness works much like any other pain in our bodies—urging us to pay attention, and fix the problem. Unfortunately, that’s not so easy—especially since loneliness seems to carry with it a certain amount of shame. “People are so embarrassed about being lonely,” says Jacqueline Olds, a psychiatrist who teaches at Harvard Medical School, “that no one admits it. Loneliness is stigmatized, even though everyone feels it at one time or another.”

Why are we lonelier than we used to be? Olds thinks it has something to do with the American notion of independence. We don’t want to appear needy, and assume neighbors and friends are too busy to be bothered. We also feel we should always be accomplishing something, rather than “wasting time” socializing. Some psychologists feel the Internet may be contributing as well, with Facebook and Twitter creating a false sense of intimacy that doesn’t replace real human, real-life contacts.

Whether you’re a cancer fighter or survivor, or just someone wanting to reduce your risk of the disease, how do you know if you’re suffering too much loneliness and isolation? First of all, tune into your own emotions and physical sensations, and ask yourself if you’re feeling the pain of loneliness. Different people react different ways to social isolation. Remember that what matters most is not someone else’s opinion of the amount of interaction you need, but your own. Second, realize that just because you live with others doesn’t exclude you from feeling lonely. Many people with spouses and children can feel isolated. Third, try answering the 10 questions of the UCLA loneliness scale, which psychologists often use to determine isolation risk.

If you do feel you may be too lonely for your health, make the effort to create social interactions for yourself. “Everybody thinks that socializing takes time and effort,” says Olds. “But it pays off. Socializing is energizing.” Here are a few tips to get you started.

• Search around your area for places to run into people, such as parks and libraries.
• Consider the things you like to do—your hobbies—and find a class, team, or social event that involves that activity.
• Try social websites, like meetup.com, to find people in your area interested in the things you are.
• Clean and organize your home, then invite people over for a get-together.
• Avoid feeling sorry for yourself, and do something active instead. It can be as simple as going to the coffee shop and striking up a conversation with the waitress. You’ll find yourself feeling better.
• Call your mother! Or your brother, uncle, aunt, cousin, old friend—people you haven’t been in touch with for awhile who would love to hear from you.
• Reconnect with nature. A walk in the park, or a drive through the mountains can do a lot for your mood, and make you more likely to take action against your loneliness.

Have you suffered from isolation? What did you do? Please share your thoughts.

Photo courtesy Beautiful Mess X? via Flickr.com.

Some studies show a link. In 2004, The Lancet Oncology published one that found chronic stress weakens the immune system, which in turn may affect the incidence of virus-associated cancers like Kaposi sarcoma and some lymphomas. In 2006, Nature Reviews Cancer published another study—this time, scientists found that stress releases hormones that can affect DNA repair and regulation of cell growth, reducing the body’s own defenses against cancer. A 24-year study of women in Sweden showed that those who reported high levels of stress, including tension, fear, anxiety, and sleeplessness, were twice as likely to develop breast cancer as those with low levels of stress.

Scientists are quick to point out, however, that more studies need to be done, and that researching the effect of stress on the development of cancer is difficult, as it’s hard to separate it from other factors like smoking, alcohol use, obesity, family history of cancer, etc. Still, many survivors believe stressful events preceded their diagnoses. “I was divorced in 1990 and diagnosed in 1999,” says Mary Morrissey, cancer survivor. “I do think that was the reason for my cancer. I suffered panic attacks and my stress levels were very high.”

“I was stressed out,” says Jim Keifert, survivor. “I know stress caused my cancer.”

Most researchers insist the question is still open. “I have no idea,” says Barbara Anderson, psychology professor at Ohio State University, “and nobody else does, either.” Dr. Helgesson, lead author of the aforementioned Swedish study, agrees. “Although our study does show a significant association between stress and breast cancer, I would emphasize that more research needs to be carried out before it can be said that stress definitely increases risk.”

There is conflicting evidence. For example, a large study done in Denmark looked at the incidence of cancer in over 11,000 parents whose children had cancer—definitely a stressful event. However, the parents had no more cancer than members of the general population.

Part of the reason stress may be so associated with cancer risk is that it used to be believed that the immune system was fighting off cancer cells everyday in the body, and that something happened to weaken it to allow the cancer cells to take hold. However, recent studies have shown that this probably isn’t the case. Mice that were genetically altered to have no functioning immune systems didn’t show huge increases in cancer, and patients with HIV-Aids, who had naturally weakened immune systems, were no more at risk for the majority of cancers that plague the population (though they did show increased risk in viral-related cancers). Now, scientists believe that cancer cells gain the upper hand by using proteins that turn off the immune system’s attack—not because of a weak immune system.

Bottom line: We just don’t know yet if stress actually “causes” cancer. We do know it reduces the effectiveness of the immune system, but how that might translate into cancer is still elusive. “People in high-stress occupations, such as police officers, doctors and firefighters, don’t have higher incidences of cancer than other members of the community,” said Dr. Derek Raghavan, director of the Cleveland Clinic Taussig Cancer Center. “There is folklore that people who are grieving have a higher chance of getting cancer than others. But the data are conflicting, and carefully controlled studies do not support it.”

The good news is that if you are diagnosed, you don’t have to blame yourself for failing to handle stress. Remember that cancer is a very complicated disease with a myriad of causes and unknown reasons for developing. In the meantime, improving your ability to handle stress is definitely good for your health, cancer or not, so join support groups when you need to (they have shown in some studies to help cancer fighters live longer), and consider coping techniques like meditation, massage, journaling, carving out time for personal relaxation, expressing your feelings instead of bottling them up, and focusing on the things you’re grateful for.

What do you think of the stress/cancer connection? Please share your thoughts.

Photo courtesy batdongsankimlong via Flickr.com.

“You have a choice,” he says. “You can be negative, or you can be positive, make some changes, and make the most of it. My question to people is, why would you choose negativity?”

Diagnosed in 2000 with Hodgkins 4A, Donald has gone through a long journey of cancer treatments. Total up the chemo he’s had and you’re talking over 24 month’s worth. His journey has been a series of remissions followed by recurrences, more chemo, remission, recurrence, chemo, rinse, and repeat. To say the least, it’s been grueling.

“I got to the point where I just couldn’t do it anymore,” he says. “So I took some time off, and for three years I did okay, but then the emotions caught up with me. I was partying a lot of nights, all night, and really couldn’t get ahold of what was happening. Of course, the cancer came back, and this time it was everywhere. We did almost 16 months of chemo to keep it at bay, but I was sick two weeks out of every month. I was living only half the life everyone else was. I didn’t want to live that way anymore. I wanted to enjoy life, whatever life I had. So I quit treatment, got a new oncologist, a new hospital, had my enlarged spleen removed, and set about changing my life.”

The chemo did reduce the amount of cancer in Don’s body, but didn’t completely get rid of it. So how does he manage the knowledge that it could spread at any time?

“It doesn’t bother me at all anymore,” he says. “When I first started chemo, I was scared. I didn’t know what to expect, and chemo kicked my butt. I would be sick before I even got to the hospital. But I know now that all of that is controlled by your mind, and the more you practice redirecting your thoughts, the easier it gets.”

Far from a Pollyanna, Don advocates using positive thinking as a tool to make the cancer journey easier on yourself. He now does meditation and visualization on a daily basis. “We need to take care of the physical body, with good food and exercise, but I think the mental component has far more to do with our well-being. The brain is a crazy animal. It’s amazing the power it has, and how much damage it can do if it runs unchecked.”

Sounds all well and good, but when he was going through chemo treatment after chemo treatment and recurrence after recurrence, how did he keep up the positive emotions? You may be surprised to know!

“I started by pretending!” he says. “You know, the ‘act as if’ kind of thing. Cancer patients experience a lot of pressure around other people, because of course they ask you how you’re doing. I would think to myself, ‘Do they want the simple answer or do they want the truth?’ But you know, people want to hear the simple answer. They want to hear you’re doing great. So I started faking it. It’s like smiling when you don’t feel like it. You do it for awhile, and suddenly you’re really smiling, and your whole body benefits from it.”

What techniques does he use when his thoughts start spiraling downward? “The secret I’ve found is gratefulness. When you start getting that pit in your stomach, and your thoughts snowball in the wrong direction, take five minutes and you can change that.” Don suggests focusing on the things you’re grateful for. Some days it may be that you’re still alive. Or that you still have your loved ones around you, or even something silly like you got to enjoy your favorite kind of ice cream. “It’s a process and you have to learn how to do it,” he says, “but the benefits are huge.”

Don’s future, at this point, is unknown. He says the FDA may soon approve a new treatment for his type of cancer, and if so, he’s eager to try it. In the meantime, he’s adept at living in the moment, and is excited about accomplishing his goals in whatever time he’s given. One of those goals is to help other cancer patients by sharing his experience.

“My main message is that you have a role in how this turns out,” he says. “Cancer changes you. You’re never going to be the same person you were before. It’s such an emotional climb, you really can’t see back to where you came from. But you can choose who you are, today. And you can choose who you will become, tomorrow.”

If you’d like to read a copy of Don’s book and/or his blogs about his journey, please visit his website.

I'm so grateful for my husband!

Watching the “Hope for Haiti” broadcast Friday, January 22nd, I couldn’t help but realize how very blessed I am—how blessed we all are to have food, clean water, shelter, and our loved ones around us. Sometimes it takes tragedies like these for us to realize that all the little things we worry about, complain about, and stress about aren’t really that important. We have what we need. And so much more.

Did you know that after September 11, 2001, researchers noted a surge in feelings of gratitude? Such feelings help us better manage the negative effects of stress. In fact, gratefulness can do a lot for our health. Robert Emmons, author of Thanks!: How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier, reports in his book on several studies that he and his colleagues have conducted at the University of California at Davis.

In two, they found that people who regularly wrote down the things they were grateful for were more optimistic about the future, and reported fewer health problems than those that didn’t. Another study found that even people suffering from disease—including post-polio syndrome—got more sleep, felt more refreshed in the morning, and felt more optimistic about the future when they wrote in daily gratitude journals.

Naren, who runs the website “Spiritual Pub,” writes, “This feeling of gratefulness that rises from the innermost core of your being is the truest prayer.” Melodie Beattie, author of CoDependent No More, says, “Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more.” And mind/body healer Dr. Darryl Pokea says, “When our minds are resonating with gratitude, the gate is fully opened to the flow of prosperity.”

When we’re going through challenges like cancer, remembering what we have to be grateful for becomes even more important to our health, our outlook, and our chances of survival. I encourage you to start a journal of gratefulness, like I have, and inside it, write about the things you’re thankful for. Try doing it at the same time every day, like first thing in the morning or right before bed, and see if you don’t notice some positive benefits in your life. If you’ve had a particularly difficult day, start with the very elementary things. I’m grateful for my mother on those days, for instance, or my husband. On the days we feel particularly weak, we can be grateful for the bed that holds us off the floor, and the pillows that cradle our heads.

Here are 10 things that I feel grateful for right now.  In sharing these, I hope I can inspire you to say a gratitude prayer or journal about your blessings every day. It only takes a few minutes. I’m amazed at how much more comes into my life when I start my day with an open heart, feeling thankful for what I have, rather than focusing on what I don’t have. It’s interesting how once I get started, I can keep going and going! There are so many miracles around us every day that we miss most of the time because we don’t take a few moments to reflect on all the good that comes our way.

1. I am grateful that I woke up; today is truly a gift, not to be taken for granted.
2. I am grateful for the hot shower I get to take every day that makes my muscles and my mind relax.
3. I am grateful for the clean, nourishing food that I am about to eat.
4. I am grateful for the sunshine that came out this afternoon, which reminds me that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.
5. I am grateful for that my husband accepts me exactly as I am.
6. I am grateful that I have been cancer-free for 18 years.
7. I am grateful for my father’s spirit, who reminds me everyday to go after my dreams relentlessly.
8. I am grateful for this morning’s rain which cleaned the New York streets.
9. I am grateful for my computer and printer which allow me to do my daily work.
10. I am grateful for my couch, which keeps me cozy when I need to unwind and relax.

Have you written about what you’re grateful for today? Please share your thoughts.

Strangely enough, according to many survivors, cancer can be a catalyst for more happiness, for one reason: It teaches us to be grateful.

“I woke up early one morning and realized I was happy,” says two-time breast-cancer survivor and writer, Betty Rollin. “The weird part is, I realized that the source of my happiness was, of all things, cancer—that cancer had everything to do with how good the good parts of my life were.”

Ms. Rollin goes on to say that the experience of cancer helped make her stronger, livelier, and healthier. John, a survivor of oral cancer, agrees. “Times during a cancer diagnosis can be termed as hellish,” he says. “But they can also bring about more good than bad. It was during these times I was able to reflect on what most of us take for granted.”

The old adage that happiness is all about attitude appears to be true, according to studies. Dr. Edward T. Creagan, writing for the Mayo Clinic, reports that twin research discovered 50 percent of happiness is genetically predetermined, while 40 percent is determined by how we relate to setbacks. Only 10 percent was related to the environment around us, including our income, housing, and transportation.

Researchers at the University of California at San Diego found similar results in their studies of Americans age 60 to 98 who live independently and deal with cancer, heart disease, and other health conditions. “Optimism and effective coping styles were found to be more important…than traditional measures of health and wellness,” said lead researcher Dilip Jeste.

Dr. Bernie M. Siegel, author of Love, Medicine, and Miracles, offers a few tips on achieving happiness when you’re dealing with cancer. First, he recommends you accept the situation, so you can empower yourself to change it. (Although he recommends you ignore any predictions of your own future, such as how long the disease will last or if it is terminal.) Next, he suggests “retreat,” as a way of finding a quiet place to reflect and prepare to take on your new life. Finally, surrender the outcome to whatever higher power you believe in, so you can find inner peace. “Surrender the pain, fear, and worries and you’ll be able to keep love, hope, and joy in your life,” he says.

A few more hints to find happiness along the way: forgive yourself for any mistakes you may have made, stay in charge of your thoughts and feelings (hold positive images in your mind and take a time out when you need to), and have faith that you can overcome your obstacles.

“Forgive yourself and others,” says Dr. Siegel, “live with hope, faith and love and watch the results in your life and in the lives you touch. Remember that success and healing refer to what you do with your life, not to how long you avoid death.”

Survivor John is living proof that it’s possible: “When I climbed out of that poor, poor me stage and looked at all that I had, I never felt better nor happier than I did at that moment.”

What are your secrets to happiness while dealing with cancer? Please share your thoughts.

Photo courtesy of myabsurdlife via Flickr.com.

According to Benson-Henry Institute Senior Physician Dr. Eva Selhub, we all have such a button. It’s called “love.” And this switch doesn’t just help us feel better, it helps us heal.

“From the very beginning, right after we’re born,” Dr. Eva says, “the very first thing we learn is love. When we cry, someone holds us. When we’re hungry, someone gives us food.

These things create receptors that allow us to take in love, which regulates our whole body/mind physiology, turns off the stress response, and teaches us to trust.”

Author of the book The Love Response, Dr. Eva says that most health problems begin with one thing—stress. We’re not just talking about the feeling you have when you’ve got a big report due at work, though that can be part of it. As Eva explains it, stress happens anytime there’s something missing.

“Most of the time, your body and mind are working without letting you know. They’re scanning the database, asking, do we have enough? If the answer is yes, they just keep performing and you go on doing what you’re doing. If, however, you’re cold, tired, hungry, or even angry, they kick in stress to get your attention. Warning: You don’t have enough warmth, strength, food, or calm. If that situation continues without being corrected, your brain and body move into the fear response.”

In the fear response, mind and body suffer. Life is stressful, so any of us can fall into the fear response at any time. The key is not to let it continue unchecked, because it can be a catalyst for disease, or can leave us defenseless in fighting a condition we may already have. It breaks down the immune system, encourages fat cells to grow, and throws the whole physiology out of whack. “Every disease we know of exists because of a lack of ability to regulate the stress response,” Dr. Eva says.

Multiple things can turn on the stress, or fear, response. Toxins in the environment, poor eating habits, lack of exercise, massive traumas, emotional upheaval, bad relationships, low self esteem, and the list goes on. Pretty much anything that makes us feel bad can flip the switch. If you or a loved one is going through cancer, you can bet that you’re dealing with this fear response in a very big way. What can you do to turn it around, and help yourself heal?

This is where the love response comes in. Dr. Eva describes this response as the opposite of the fear response—a place where the body and mind feel loved, cared for, safe, and whole. When we’re in this place, the body responds with physical changes that support the immune system, clear the mind, and fuel strength to handle any situation. “In the love response, we’re turning off stress chemicals, opening up brain centers that allow us to think more clearly, turning off the cortisol that’s suppressing the immune system, and relaxing into the experience of love.”

To get started stimulating your love response, Dr. Eva suggests these five steps:

1. Get a guided-mediation CD that helps you relax and center yourself. Listen to it 10-20 minutes a day, and while you’re getting chemotherapy or any other procedure. It helps relax the body and mind, which supports the immune system. Studies have shown that meditation CDs during treatment also help minimize side effects.
2. Improve your diet. Avoid fats, sugars, and processed foods, which are all difficult for the body to utilize, and choose more fruits, vegetables, lean meats, and water.
3. Join a support group and start connecting with others.
4. Work on positive appreciation. Start a journal in which you record four things about your life and about yourself that you appreciate every night, and read those four things aloud in front of the mirror every morning.
5. When you’re feeling badly, perform this visualization, which Dr. Eva calls “SHIELD.”
   1. S—slow down. Take a moment to be quiet with yourself. Imagine a warm, golden light shining down upon you, wrapping you up in love.
   2. H—honor how you feel right now. Don’t judge it. Just become aware of it.
   3. I—inhale.
   4. E—don’t forget to exhale.
   5. L—listen to your needs. What’s missing? Do you need love, sleep, comfort, chocolate?
   6. D—decide. Shift into the love response and be loving to yourself. Take action to get what you need, and say several times over, “The support I need is here. I am loved and I am valued.” Imagine your best idea of love—someone holding you, arms from above cradling you, the shield protecting you, or whatever feels loving to you.

Dr. Eva Selhub, MD, is the medical director of the Mind/Body Medical Institute at the Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center in Boston, clinical instructor of medicine at Harvard Medical School, and founder of Alight Center for Healing in Newton, MA. You can find her book, CDs, blog, and more at her web site.

Shanda Sumpter, founder of HeartCore Bootcamp, suggests a different word: gift.

Cancer, a gift?

“You’re not a victim no matter what has happened in your life,” says this clarity coach. “Whether you’ve had a divorce, suffered an injury, gotten cancer…anything that has come up in your space. It’s there to guide you to what you want so badly, to what we call your ‘heart drive.’ If you get cancer and surrender, you don’t see the gift—you’re not seeing the message.”

So what can possibly be the message of cancer? “Cancer gives you the gift of clearly seeing the value of life—the value of your life. What someone with cancer has over the average Joe is the appreciation and the urgency of what life really is. Whatever you’ve wanted to do, whatever your passion is, what is the point of holding back now?”

Together with her partner, Allyson Spellman, Shanda teaches women around the world to stop settling for simply surviving life and start stepping into a truly empowered life. “Most of us are society robots. We do what we’ve been told to do, or what we think we should do. We want to empower women to follow their hearts. If you connect with what you love, things like illnesses, stress, and other physical problems start to reverse themselves.”

Shanda talks about the “love frequency,” a personal vibration that people have when they’re truly connected to their passion. We’re all made of energy, and when we’re vibrating in love, there’s no room for fear, worry, stress, or other negative emotions. “When you’re faced with cancer,” she says, “your frequency goes flat. You need to realign your focus, and bring your vibration back up.”

How do you do that when you’re going through treatment, experiencing side effects, and struggling to get up in the morning? “Everything comes down to focus,” Shanda says. “What are you focusing on? If it’s only the cancer, your vibration is going to continue to spiral down. Let’s say your dream has been to open a dessert shop, but you’ve never done it. Now is the time. Cancer has given you the gift of realizing the value of your life, and your dreams. So even if you’re lying in bed after a treatment, you can create your recipe plans, or the themes around your new shop. How are you going to decorate it? What will your logo look like? If we focus on our dreams, we begin to ‘think’ our way into them. Watch. You’ll start to get excited. You’ll sketch out a few designs. Maybe you’ll think of a new ingredient to spice up your grandma’s chewy brownies. After a few minutes of doing this, your vibration—your energy level—will come up. You’ll feel a sense of purpose again. You’ll be engaged in life, instead of just overwhelmed by cancer. And that’s going to help you heal.”

The power of this engagement, according to Shanda, is that it comes from love, which is the most powerful energy in the universe. “The cancer is not there to hurt you or to deplete you. It’s actually encouraging you to get going on your dreams, to be authentic in who you really are. When you connect to what you love, there is no fear.”

Shanda and Allyson are offering a free call-in workshop on July 21 at 5pm PST (6pm MT, 8pm
EST), as well as a 2-day HeartCore Bootcamp on July 24-25. All you have to do is sign up on the website, then call in. Simple, and it could be the spark you need to reconnect with what you love!

“We need to be clear about the challenges that come into our lives,” Shanda says. “Instead of bemoaning what you don’t have or what you’re lacking or what you’re afraid of, look at what’s in your space now, and use it to launch the life you want.”

For more information on the HeartCore Bootcamp, please visit Shanda’s web site.

Laura Kupperman, yoga instructor and Cinco Vidas expert, says yoga class eased her chemo side effects and helped her recover quickly from a mastectomy.

“A few years ago,” says survivor Dana, “when I found a lump on my breast, I felt so disconnected to my body. How could it betray me like this?”

“It’s weird,” says fighter Debi. “I feel as though my rational brain is disconnected from my body, because although I know in the end that I will be fine, my body is shaky and scared.”

It’s a common feeling among cancer patients: disjointed, disconnected, betrayed by the body. For decades this complex mass of organic material has taken you where you needed to go, and performed according to your commands. Suddenly, something’s wrong. It’s not a virus, nor bacteria that have invaded your hallowed walls. It’s your own cells, turning on you.

“Cancer can often cause a unique sense of separation between self and body,” says author Laurie Wertich, “as patients ‘fight’ their cancer….Ironically, they are fighting themselves. Yoga is a way to bridge this gap, to ease this sense of separation and to embrace the whole self.”

In fact, the word “yoga” means “union,” which most western practitioners take to mean the union of the mind, body, and spirit. There is the physical exercise component, which Laura Kupperman—breast-cancer survivor, yoga instructor, and Cinco Vidas expert—credits for her fast recovery after a bilateral mastectomy. “During my first class, I could barely move,” she says. “After only a few classes, my body was totally different.”

Those who haven’t tried yoga may believe the physical postures too difficult, but the whole philosophy is to do only what feels right and to listen to the body. “When people understand what yoga is,” says yoga therapist Jnani Chapman, “there is no time that a person can’t do yoga, even when they have cancer.” In fact, studies have shown that yoga can improve circulation, digestion, sleep patterns, mobility, strength, and relaxation, plus ease side effects like nausea, joint pain, and fatigue.

But for many cancer patients, it’s the mystical benefits to the mind and spirit that make yoga so valuable during and after treatment. According to womenfitness.net, “As we engage our physical selves in the precise body gestures of yoga, our minds come along, growing accustomed to focusing on the affairs of this movement and leaving worries and future-thinking behind. As we breathe and meditate, our minds grow more clear and steady.”

Part of this benefit comes from the deep-breathing technique. Considered the life force in yoga, the breath is meant to expand the belly, rib cage, and chest, which creates a true, full breath. Most adults breathe more shallowly, from the chest only, which delivers less life-giving oxygen to the body. Breathing more deeply improves respiration, and encourages clarity and calm—something cancer patients desperately need. “Because yoga has specific breathing technique,” says survivor and writer Jennifer Weiss, “it can help patients focus their attention and fight off the depressive intrusive thoughts and focus more on relaxing. It sure helped with me.”

In the end, you just have to experience it to know how yoga can help you. “I consider yoga class a life-saver,” says survivor Ann Getzoff. “When I was sickest from the treatments, yoga was the one steady thing I could do, no matter what.”

Virginia, a student of Kupperman’s, was so sold on yoga as a treatment adjunct that she wishes she had started it sooner. “I really wish I had gone to yoga when I was in treatment. That would be my advice to someone going through cancer or chemo.”

If you’re looking for a yoga class in your area, Kupperman suggests looking for one specifically designed for cancer patients and survivors. (Try yogafinder.com.) If you don’t have one, look for a restorative or beginner’s class.

“Fear is imagination based for the most part,” says Jacqueline Wales, author, life coach, and Cinco Vidas expert. “It leads you to imagine the worst. You’re mind is on overdrive with, ‘Oh no, I’m going to lose my looks and feel all this pain and what about my family and I could die and…’ On and on with the worst-case scenario. Don’t listen to the gremlins in the mind. Reverse it. Think, ‘Right now my body is fighting these cells, and it’s producing new and healthy ones, and I can see what they look like. I can see a picture of me with all the hair on my head, and I’m thriving.’”

No stranger to fear herself, Jacqueline had a rough childhood growing up with an abusive, alcoholic father who eventually succumbed to throat and stomach cancer. Reeling from a young life of poverty and crippled self esteem, she spent years lost in destructive behaviors before making the decision to change her life. “I wrote The Fearless Factor because I know what that stuff is all about. That was my life. I made a choice to be healthy so my kids could be healthy.”

Now married for over 30 years with children, Jacqueline has devoted her life to helping others avoid the fear trap. “Ask yourself: How are your fears, your negativity, and your anxiety serving you right now? Can you make a different sort of investment?”

Changing your thoughts is the core message behind Jacqueline’s strategy. “Always question yourself. If you slip into negative thinking, ask, ‘Is that really the truth?’ The mind is always chattering, but most of it is jibberish. I call it the ‘yadda-yadda radio.’ It’s on 24/7, and it brings you down with every negative thought possible. Quieting that chatter is paramount to strength and healing.”

Jacqueline suggests meditation, positive-thinking seminars, and books and audio programs from inspirational authors and speakers such as Caroline Myss, Wayne Dyer, Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Noah benShea, Dr. Barbara Fredrickson, and Dr. Martin Seligman. She also strongly recommends you get support. “Do not do this alone. It’s impossible. You need someone to listen to you; people in your life who can help you find balance when things get overwhelming.”

In the end, the key to getting past fear is to engage in its opposite: trust. “A lot of what fear is about is we don’t trust we’re going to get the right kind of outcome. Try not to get ahead of yourself. Trust in whatever power you believe in, and live in the present. You’ll get to the future in plenty of time, and by then, the answers and solutions will have all become clear.”

Jacqueline also says that we can regain some sense of control by remembering our power to choose. “Know that you have choices. You didn’t choose the cancer, but you can choose how to deal with it every day. When you’re feeling really anxious, sit down and take a few deep breaths. Concentrate on the breath, not the muddled thinking in your head, and choose to see an image of yourself as a healthy, whole human being.”

website. If you have ideas for handling fear when going through cancer—or when caring for someone who is—please share them with us.

How can you use the power of the mind to help yourself heal, bolster your strength during treatments, or shore up your endurance while caring for an ill loved one? Experts recommend clearing out negative emotions. We’ve included two guided imagery exercises below to get you started.

“Once we wake up and acknowledge that thoughts and beliefs wield power,” says Fran Greenfield, life coach specializing in mind/body medicine and Cinco Vidas expert, “we can create a new relationship with life and with ourselves: a relationship that infuses us with a stream of energy that changes our body chemistry and instructs every cell and organ to ‘Choose life.’”

Two Guided Imagery Exercises

#1: Releasing Rage
Many of us who are going through cancer, have survived it, or are watching someone we love battle it out, experience what can be a very negative emotion: rage. Deb Shapiro, author and body/mind therapist, offers the following exercise to dissipate rage’s destructive powers. [Deb Shapiro, Your Body Speaks Your Mind. Sounds True, Inc. 2006.]

Find a quiet place to be.
Lie down and close your eyes. Follow your breath as you relax.

Slowly begin to scan your body.
Ask where your rage is stored. See if you can find those places where you keep your rage.

Watch as rage arises.
Observe the effects on your body, mind and heart. Can you hear what it is saying? Rage often acts as a mask. Beneath it you may find tender feelings of loss, insecurity or fear, of intense grief or shame.

Find these feelings.
Give them a voice, accept them as a reclaimed part of you, and see what happens to the rage.

Release.
When you are ready, take a deep breath and let it go.

#2: Breaking the Idols
Fran Greenfield, mind/body healer and teacher, suggests the following exercise to de-create restricting beliefs and thoughts that keep you stuck. It allows you to surrender to what is, and to who you truly are. As you practice this each day the imagery may change. Allow it to be what it is. There’s no right or wrong, good or bad, normal or abnormal standard in imagination.

Frequency: Once every day for 21 days.
Close your eyes and breathe out three times. (Start by exhaling through your nose, then inhale through your mouth, then return to your regular breathing.)

See yourself in the museum of your life.
See there all the statues and artifacts that fill these rooms and hallways.
Sense and know how these creations prevent you from living freely and wholly in the present.
Breathe out one time.
Walk through this museum and in any way you choose, break apart and destroy these constructions.
Once you have done this, clear away the debris and get rid of it.
See what happens and notice how you feel.
Then breathe out, open your eyes and return.

Ms. Greenfield has also graciously offered to be a resource for any of you wishing to contact her at frangreenfield@earthlink.net. She recommends Dr. Gerald Epstein as a second excellent resource for imagery and other integrative mind/body information.

Let us know what you think of these exercises, or if you have others that have proven effective for you.

Photo courtesy of Shutterstock